What an Amateur Runner Thinks During a 20 Mile Training Run. Warning: Explicit Language.

Mile 1: “My heart is racing. Do I need to slow down? No, this is my pace. Just relax and I’ll settle in.”

Mile 2: “I’m going a little fast. I should slow down. I don’t want to run out of gas in the end. Well, maybe I should keep up this pace while I am fresh. Either way my last few miles are going to be slower. Maybe I’ll just split the difference and run a little faster than my race pace.”

Miles 3-4: “This is easy I can do this all day. No problem. These new sneakers feel great.” (Rosalita, jump a little higher Senorita, come sit by my fire I just want to be your lover, ain’t no liar Rosalita, you’re my stone desire)

Mile 5: “My hip feels a little tight. I hope it doesn’t get worse. What am I going to wear to the marathon? If it’s cold I guess long sleeve T-Shirt and shorts. What if it’s really cold? I guess I have to wait until the week of. When I get back from my college reunion I can start thinking about the logistics of the race.”

Mile 6: Another runner approaches. Look at this guy. I am so much better than him.” Give a wave.

Mile 7: “I can’t wait for next weekend. My reunion is going to be so much fun. I haven’t seen Blair in a while. I wonder who else will be there? I have to try my best to not get too drunk or eat too much while I am there. I don’t want to ruin the marathon with one bad weekend. I am supposed to run 12 miles that weekend. How the hell am I going to do that? What places do I need to show Ann? She’s never been there. I guess just show her around campus and around town. Not much there. “When should I take my first energy Gu? I feel fine now. Maybe 10 and 17. Ann is making Chili for dinner. I can’t wait for that. I love Sunday dinners. I hope she makes Brownies. The ones with the spicy cayenne are so fucking good with vanilla ice cream. I am going to have 3 beers with dinner and finish the week off with an Irish Coffee. I deserve it. I am probably going to burn 3000 calories today.

Mile 8-9: Zone out. Silence for 2 miles and then. “Shit I slowed down quite a bit. Quick body scan. My hip feels a little tight. am I babying it? I don’t think so. I should be fine. My Right hamstring is really tight. Probably because of my hip. Fuck. Why did I slow down? I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe I need my first Gu now. Wow Mint Chocolate is not bad.” ( But now you’re sad, your mama’s mad And your papa says he knows that I don’t have any money Your papa says he knows that I don’t have any money Oh, your daddy says he knows that I don’t have any money Well, tell him this is his last chance to get his daughter in a fine romance
‘Cause a record company, Rosie, just gave me a big advance)

Mile 10: Approaching my mom’s house. “Halfway. I need to refill my water.” Say Hi to everyone and quickly head out. “The longer I stop the harder this will be. I just need to get this over with”

Mile 11: “Ok Halfway. That wasn’t too bad. Just do it again.”

Miles 12-13: Approaching Madison High School. “Madison is really good at football this year. I wonder how they would do against a bigger school? I think PJ vs Madison would be a close game. I don’t think Madison could beat Delbarton. I wonder how many kids on Delbarton’s team are from Madison? They have to have at least a few. What if all the skill player’s from Madison were at Delbarton? Then they would be really good. That kid Goodwin is going to Rutgers. Why is he at Madison playing shitty competition? I am sure a few of the privates tried to get him to transfer. Delbarton is going to beat Pj I think.”

Mile 14: Zone out until Jeep Wrangler passes. That is nice. I can’t wait until my lease is up. I think I like the Jeep. Damn my Hamstring is really tight.” Stop at red light and wait for cars to pass ” Holy shit my knee kind of hurts. All on my right side. Probably has to do with my hip. I hate having to stop in the middle of a run.”

Mile 15: Girl on a bike passes me. “Fuck her. She has wheels that’s why she passed me. Try running. Biking is so easy.” UpHill. “Ugh I have to run uphill now after 15 miles. I guess the marathon won’t be flat. Just suck it up you pussy. Stop whining. This is why a marathon is a mental challenge instead of physical. Anyone physically can run a marathon. You just have to run a little more every time until you get to 26.2. Eventually you can do it. It’s a simple overload Top of Hill principle I ran two marathon because I am tougher than other people not because I am better.

Mile 16: Overweight Man running in sandals approaches “Look at this moron. He must have just read Born to Run. He’s going to have an injury within weeks. Time to take my next Gu. Wow Peanut butter is really good. I miss Peanut butter since I banned it from my diet. I was like an addict. I couldn’t stop eating it.” This Gu is really good. I think I’ll bring Peanut Butter to the marathon.”

Mile 17: “Come on I am so close. 3 miles is nothing. I think I have the beginnings of a blister on my foot. Damn that’s not good. I hope it’s not too bad. Maybe the new shoes or maybe I need new socks. Damn. What if that happens during the race? I guess just suck it up and finish. I should buy new socks.”

Mile 18: Runner passes me “Fuck her. She’s not that fast. She is probably running 2 or 3 miles. Does she know I am running 20? Maybe I should tell her. I probably look terrible right now. She probably thinks she is so much faster than me. I bet she has never run more than a 5k.”

Mile 19: “Oh boy. I am slowing down. Hold it together for 2 more miles. How am I going to do 7 more miles? I guess I did it before I can do it again. Maybe if I let this car hit me I can stop. No, that would be bad.”

Mile 20: “My legs feel numb. That can’t be good. Stop thinking negative you asshole! ” Just run. Car makes a sharp turn. “Oh what the fuck! That fucking dick. He couldn’t let me cross the street. Does he know that I am running 20 miles today? Figures that he drives a fucking BMW. What a prick. Ok quick body scan My right hip is sore. My right hamstring is really tight. I think I have a blister on my right big toe. My legs feel numb. My left kneecap sort of felt weird when I stopped. I wonder what that is about.”

Approaching Finish. you got this. you got this. Around the corner and I’m done. Wow. That was pretty good. Body scan again. everything feels ok. That wasn’t so bad. I can walk that is good. I bet I’ll be sore tomorrow. Who cares. That’s the last long training run. Now I can taper. 12 miles next weekend and then 8 and then the race. Shit I better not gain weight while I am tapering. Who cares? Time to shower up and get a Guiness. I love Sundays.”

High School Strength Coach. Necessity or Luxury?

We didn’t have strength coaches when I was a kid. That’s just a bunch of B.S. Why does every kid have a personal trainer? Why do schools need strength and conditioning coaches? I could maybe understand at the elite college level but High School? Are you kidding me? Well let me tell you:

1. When you were a kid you climbed trees.

2. When you were a kid you on the weekends you didn’t want to stay inside all day because that’s where the parents were. You wanted to go outside and be with your friends.

3. When you were a kid you didn’t have play dates, you just rode your bike over to your friends house and knocked on the door.

4. When you were a kid you played a sport even when coaches weren’t around to run practice.

5. When you were a kid you would occasionally get in a fight and no parents would ever be called.

6. When you were a kid you may have climbed over a fence or two.

7. When you were a kid video games just weren’t that good.

8. When you were a kid you played pickup games without referees or umpires.

9. When you were a kid you had playgrounds that were open to the public.

10. When you were a kid you had P.E. class every day.

11. When you were a kid getting hurt meant a broken bone.

12. When you were a kid you played football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and baseball in the spring.

13. When you were a kid meals at restaurants were 33% smaller.

14. When you were a kid you could do 5 pullups.

15. When you were a kid staying home was boring.

16. When you were a kid if you got cut from the team that didn’t mean you gave up athletics.

17. When you were a kid (depending on your age) girls didn’t work out.

18. When you were a kid you didn’t need the best equipment to try a sport.

19. When you were a kid you walked to school instead of having your parents drop you off and pick you up.

20. When you were a kid lacrosse was for non-athletic kids or you had never heard of it.

(Sorry. I had to throw that in there)

The fact of the matter is that today’s kids are so unprepared to play sports that they need a strength and conditioning coach. All of the physical strength and stamina that you would gain from your upbringing, today’s kids have none of it. Yes we all have accepted the fact that today’s athletes are bigger, stronger, and faster than your grandfather’s generation. What we also have to accept is that tendons, ligaments, and soft tissue injuries are happening at a much greater rate than your grandfather’s generation. Kids tear ACL’s and sprain ankles. Kids are suffering from injuries as a direct result of their lack of physical activity growing up. ACL and meniscus tears are happening at an increasing rate of 11% over the past 15 years. When a kid plays a sport now he or she usually plays it year round. This is leading to over-use injuries. Because of the lack of physical activity as a youngster the child’s body is not equally balanced enough to withstand what they are currently being asked to do. Kids need to develop a more well-rounded physicality in order to stay injury free. They need to work on muscular imbalances and correct them. They need proper instruction on how to land in a correct position. This is something your generation might have just known from jumping over fences and out of trees but today’s girls are tearing up their knees at an alarming rate because they have no idea how to land correctly. A strength and conditioning coach will keep in mind the total athlete and not just train them as if they were college athletes or professional athletes. A strength and conditioning coach would have progressions starting with body weight exercise and functional exercise that your generation learned in a P.E. class. If you can’t do a pushup then you should try bench pressing. If you can’t perform a overhead squat without corrective measures than you shouldn’t be doing a clean and jerk.

Today’s High School athletes need a strength coach because of the way they were raised. It is a job that is out of necessity rather than luxury.